Anonymous 2

After my first book was published in my mid 20’s, it did not give me what I thought it would. I thought when I showed that I was good at something, that it would give me love. But that’s not how it worked.

I was very depressed and was in physical pain from a car accident and I had migraines. A friend of mine at that time was heavily into powder cocaine. I was very vulnerable, at her urging, I tried the powder cocaine and then she said let’s try some heroin.  I had never bought any illicit drugs; I had used marijuana socially, so heroin was the first drug that I ever bought on the streets. I became physically addictive as most people do, but she didn’t. That led to my going to several inpatient programs but I could not stop because of how painful the withdrawal was. I kept trying different facilities but I was ultimately unsuccessful.

After that I shot up heroin and cocaine and that went on for two or three years. Ultimately in the hospital, I met my future husband who was also a heroin addict. He has now passed away from his drug use. I sold the books that I wrote among others that were signed by the authors, my huge CD collection and my clothes. This I was doing while I was working on my Ph.D. at U. C. Berkeley. I was focused on ethnic studies and feminist theories.

Later on, we stopped paying rent to have more money to use. Thereby we became homeless and we did what ever we could to get enough money for heroin. We woke up sick every morning and it was one of the most painful feelings that I ever experienced, physically painful as well as emotional.

For one year while I was homeless, I had no contact with my family. So when my husband passed away, I was alone on the streets, and its much harder for a woman. Basically I guess I seemed vulnerable, someone bashed my head in and I lost my memory and other cognitive skills. I was in a coma for two or three months then I was at Fairmount for physical rehab and speech therapy and occupation therapy.

I am still dealing with the consequences of the head injury. The one positive thing that came out of my head injury was being reunited with my family.

Basically, it took awhile, I am still feeling the after affects, and I found BOSS through one of my mental health advocates. It’s been really good for me; nothing is going to be perfect. This has been overall a good experience and I am hoping soon that I will get my housing. Again, Meekland has been incredible in helping me.

I see my therapist and my drug counselor, and I am on methadone maintenance and it helps me to function. I have depression and anxiety disorder as well PTSD. I am just trying to survive and doing as much as I can towards my recovery. I hope to not only complete my PHD but also write more books and to integrate my experiences on the streets into my books. I call myself a philosopher, although I don’t study what conventional western philosophers have studied. I analyzed things like popular culture and how romance is a racial discourse.

I think it is important to have a strong social support system and also to be strong, seek out therapy and go to meetings that you find useful.

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